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Supposed to go shopping with my mom tonight. I really don't feel like it, anymore. But, I guess I'll do it, anyway, since I'm the one that asked. Damn not having time on weekends to do this whole Christmas shopping deal. :|

Go away headache. Now.

[why yes, i have made too many entries today.]
I am being oh so lazy. Just staring at this list of people I need to call, but I can't focus on it. Instead, I'm browsing LJ icon communities (and finding nothing of interest, as I suspected) and thinking about shopping. I wish I could leave early to go shopping with my mom.

My neck hurts. I wonder if it's a mental thing? I've had a headache for a few days now. I'm sure it's anxiety related. Pretty sure it's from gritting my teeth/clenching my jaw. I can't stop. Medicine does not make this headache go away. I am, however, picking up my meds this evening after work. So, at least some of it ought to ease up.

My twin and I planned to get tattoos for our birthday last month. We still haven't gotten them. Now I'm wondering if I wouldn't prefer a peircing to getting a tattoo just yet. Pierce my septum or get "so it goes"...hrrrm. I want so many different tattoos, but they're all large pieces. I want "so it goes" with a skull and crossbones, but I'd have to break it up, because it's really too expensive. So, I think I may just go with a new piercing. The septum or perhaps just the nostril. Most people hate the idea of me peircing my septum. All I have to say about that: sorry, deal.

La La LA.

I wanna go now.

userpics

So, I've recently upgraded and now I have 105 userpics! Any suggestions on where to get some good ones? I'm not easily impressed with icons. I'm sure I'll end up making most of my own, as usual. This one (my default as of now) is my absolute all time favorite icon. No idea who made it, but they totally rock. :D
Write about your best (or worst) birthday.

November 5, 2006. One of my sisters gave me a fifth of Jagermeister gift set. I rarely drink, so I am very much a lightweight when I do. I drank all but a fourth of it...in 45 minutes. I'm sure the rest we can all figure out. And no, I will NOT be posting those pictures. o.O

Squeeness.

munch_e_cracker is awesome! He bought me a paid membership to LJ for Christmas.

I love yous!

Horoscope according to the Onion

Despite there being a medical term for it, a team of doctors will simply refer to your condition as "Jesus fucking Christ."

Dec. 2nd, 2007

My head is the hurtingness this morning. :(

I have to work today. I'm scheduled to work the next three weekends in a row. Yay for hours, boo for my sanity.

Went and had dinner with Brian last night. Then we had coffee at CC's! We went to walmart and bought some cds so he could burn me a copy of his Jaryd Lane cd (though I think I'm gonna buy it). It was nice to hang out with him. He's going through not so great times with his girlfriend, so I think he just needed a friend.

I've decided I should just ask Santa for a boyfriend for Christmas. Maybe it's just that simple. o.O Heh. Heh. Heh. Or should I say Ho Ho Ho?

Nov. 28th, 2007

Yesterday I wasn't in the office for very long. About an hour in the morning, during which I was pretty busy. Then I headed out to Lake Charles to scan some more files (oh, the joy). I finally learned the cute bail bondsman's name: Lee.

I met Brian (friend whom I previously "dated") for coffee. It was nice to just hang out and talk with him, again. He's been pretty nonexistant since he got back together with his ex-girlfriend (which I think is bad news for him, really, but I've said my part about that, already). It was cold, but we sat outside and drank our coffee. I finally went off on a rant about my current living arrangements and the drama there involved (which should be an entirely different post on its own--later today). I needed to let some steam off, I think.

Then, I met up with my best friend at her work. Upon which, the following ensued: I was sitting in my car, waiting on Misty to come outside from where she works and talk to me, and this dude says hi as he's walking back to his car. He asks, "Why are you sitting outside in your car?" I said I was staying warm while I was waiting on my friend. "Your girlfriend?" he asks.
"No, just my friend."
"Riiight."
"Seriously."
"You like boys?"
"Yeah!"
"Well, you look like you like girls." To which my jaw dropped and I just looked at him.
"Ohh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to insult you. But you just look tomboyish and all, it is 2007, you know."
He then proceeds to ask me where I'm from and actually hold a conversation with me. Thankfully, though, I was saved by Misty. She gave him a look that pretty much translated into "what the fuck, dude?" and he promptly went on his way. I can never think of witty comments on the spot. Damn my laggy brain!

My morning started out pretty good, even though I snoozed too much (before 4 months ago, I never, ever did that! I should stop now.). After my boss got back, his cruddy mood sort of creeped over to me. Even so, I'm still feeling okay enough.

My right tragus seems to be freaking out on me. It feels really hot right now. I must have slept weird on it a couple nights ago, because it's been hurting. I need to get some sea salt solution and soak it. I think the circular barbell that's in it is a bit big, anyhow. I wish I could get a CBR on it myself, but alas, that would be uber difficult. Perhaps I'll make a round to the shop and get them to change it and my others for me. Oh, wait, that requires money. o.O ...hello, raise, I am waiting for you with open arms!

Okay, I suppose I should get back to work.
What a day! It's been pretty crazy so far today at work. My immediate supervisor (who also happens to be my twin), took a well deserved day off today. In doing so, I got left with a bit more work than normal, which was okay, however, all the people that called in today (okay, not all, but 99% of them) were extremely and utterly rude! I was called "rude and nasty," even! All my co-workers did that whole jaw drop bit when I repeated this to them, as I am by no means rude or nasty. It's not my fault these people don't listen to what I have to say. I think my favorite part (at least I could find some humor in it) was when a dude who resisted arrest by flight started to explain to me how our letter was no longer a legal document because of a typo. Right. That typo (which, by the way, was a number off in the year) completely null and voids the CIVIL CONTRACT he signed. Okeydokey. After four months of working here, he was the first person I hung up on. Granted he wasn't the rudest caller I've dealt with. My day has just been swamped with rude callers, and quite frankly, by four pm, I was in no mood to put up with another.

My Thanksgiving holidays were pretty nice. I really loved having two days off. I haven't had that in four months! Since I've started working, except for my birthday weekend, I've only had Sundays off--and sometimes I worked then, too. I did have to work Saturday and Sunday this past weekend, but it wasn't so bad considering the previous two days off. Working that much is exhausting. I know there are lots of people out there that work a hell of a lot more than that, so, kudos to them, because I'm having a difficult time maintaining my sanity working about 60 hours a week. Just waiting on that raise at the end of January so I can ditch the second job, and finally, once more, I shall be able to enjoy my weekend! I am hoping, though, to get a nice Christmas bonus. *crosses fingers*

I didn't do the whole shopping deal on Black Friday. I slept until two pm like the bum I haven't been in four months! It was oh-so-very nice! I would have gone shopping if I had the money to buy gifts, but I don't. I'm wondering what I'm going to do about it even as I type. Granted my list isn't that large, but, it sure does add up quickly. You know, the one gift I certainly wouldn't mind spending money on this year, I won't be. I'd rather buy a gift for a boyfriend, than not have one at all.

I'm afraid of losing my way, again. I don't want to repeat the past anymore, but I feel it coming on. Despite all these warning signs around me, I keep on walking in the wrong direction.

But hope's just a word.

It's Monday morning. I'm at work. I'd rather be at home, still curled up in my bed, sleeping peacefully (though probably still dreaming about L--more on this in a bit). My Zoey dog entirely hogged the bed last night. It wasn't cold, but she felt it necessary to scoot as close to me as she could get, her back right up against my side. I'm not complaining, I slept just fine on my little edge of the bed. And I love my Zoey. Zink stayed at my feet for most of the night.

I'm uber thankful that it's a short week, but with all the anticipation of extra days off, it always takes forever for the three days to pass. C'mon Thursday. I am sleeping late. No one will stop me! (Okay, so I could think of a few things that might actually stop me, but those are really unlikely.)

Lots of baby talk going on this weekend. Not me! I just mean around me. Pregnant chicks everywhere; babies poppin' out. Reminds me of how far away I am from love, marriage, and kids. I'm not saying I want children at this point in my life. But I'd sure like to have some one day (say, maybe in the next four years). I know, I know, "don't rush it," "stop looking, it'll find you." Yada, yada, blah, blah.

So, the L dream thing. Past three nights now, I have had a dream about him (for those of you new to my journal and want to know who the hell I'm talking about, see previous posts). They've all been friendly, just hanging out dreams. I'm pretty good with interpreting my own dreams, and this I've determined to be due to the fact that he now has a girlfriend, and hasn't talked to me in quite sometime. I'm being ignored. I never thought he would just quit talking to me, for any reason. I hate that I ever fell for him. Why do I fall for the unobtainable ones?

I called Paige on Friday night. No answer, so I left a message. I hope she knows I miss her.

I need to follow through with my promise, and sign up for some therapy. I've built up a tolerance to the medication, I think, if that's possible. I'm so tired of being this way.

Financially, my life sucks.

Yay, life!

Meme: Truth Be Told.

Ask me any three questions (or less), I'll answer all of them 100% truthfully.

1.
2.
3.

Then, copy this into your journal, and see what others ask about you.

Long overdue.

I always want to write, but when I open up Word, I just stare at the screen with my fingers poised on home row, just waiting for the words to come through my fingertips. It doesn't happen. I miss the time when my thoughts would flow more freely; when I wasn't so hesitant to share my feelings and emotions. Sure, I could blame it all on the past, but when will I let that notion go and just face the fact that I don't know how to write anymore, or that maybe, I never really did? Okay, so I at least had potential before.

I just want to say that, right now, depsite what could be better, I am thankful for life. Thank you.

I just got new tires, an oil change, and an alignment. It's a miracle I did not have all of my tires blow out on me and die in some awful, mangled accident. I am ashamed of the state I let them get in.

I feel like I need to go. I want to break loose. I feel sort of held back or down, and I'm not sure from what. Then again, maybe it's just the caffiene. o.O

Ya know, things don't turn out how I want them to sometimes, but I'm still greatful for the experience. So, thanks to those of you who offered me new experiences and fun days, I'm glad, even though it may have been short-lived, that I got to spend time with you and have fun.

I'm obviously avoiding work right now. It feels like Friday. Tomorrow I have to go to New Orleans and I really don't want to! Ah well.

My twin closes on her house tomorrow. It's a little weird. We're that old. This is really not where I thought I'd be at this age! It's okay, I'm working on it.

I'm just going on about nothing, obviously.



I miss you.

long time no post...

OK, so it has been forever since I posted anything here. I'm afraid to write, probably because I'm afraid to face my own life, most of the time.

Quick update:
I quit Nursing school.
I had a "breakdown."
I'm on antidepressants/anti-anxiety medication.
I moved back into my sister's house in Sunset.
My father is very disappointed in me.
I'm working at Eyemaster's, again.
I'm looking for a full time job.
I'm very, very poor.

So that pretty much sums it all up. And because I feel like it, here are some pictures of me as of late. picturesCollapse )

That is all.

Get to know me surveys.

I really could have done something much more productive with my time, but what fun would that be? Anyway, on with the long ass surveysCollapse )
Where is PAIGE? Heeellllllloooo? Paige?
I've been trying to update for a while now, and everytime I start to write an entry, I stop and stare at the screen. Something keeps me from writing. I'm sure there's a lot I could update on, for future reference, but I just don't feel up to it.

Trees!

Okay, so I went ahead and uploaded other pictures while I'm using a reliable internet connection. So, for your further nature viewing enjoyment, here's some trees to look at, too!

TREES.

Sunsets/rises

Just some random sunsets and sunrises I took while driving or randomly.

SUN

Dead and Alone

An acquaintance told me that his uncle died...nearly two weeks ago and he just found him today. I can't imagine ever being that alone in life. I don't want to be that alone in life; one day relying on my nephew to visit my once every two weeks to clean my apartment and make sure I'm okay. It breaks my heart.
i walked outside to let zoey out.. and when i came back inside, i was hit with a smell from my childhood: momo nora's house. didn't take my long to figure out why. i had just started some coffee brewing and there's a pot of chicken and sausage gumbo heating on the stove. Mmmmmm.
Uhm, so, Nursing got hard today. Suddenly, it is very difficult. From what I hear, half the class is failing, and my average in A&P dropped to a 94%. Yes, that IS still an A, but it's BARELY an A. If I make less than an A on my test tomorrow, it will be a B! It's too early for it to drop, I've got a whole month of A&P left! I really would like to keep it as high as I can before stuff gets REALLY hard. And as for our first nutrition test (which I thought I aced), I made an 87.8%. That's a C! I thought I KNEW that stuff. But from what I hear, Nutrition can be as hard or harder than A&P (obviously for me). But in my defense, they worded some of those questions very faunky and nearly everyone missed it, unless they just got lucky when they guessed. A C is passing, yes, but man, that sucks! Oh well. I guess it just means that from here on out I will be doing a LOT more studying. I just can't seem to find a more efficient way than reading and re-reading the chapter. It would take WAY too much of my time to re-write the important stuff, because it's everything; every word in the chapter. But, I'll try. Tonight I'm going to spend more time on Nutrition, since my grade is lower in it. I have three tests tomorrow. I don't think A&P will be that difficult, it's on Lymph, which was only about two pages in the book. Nutrition's test tomorrow is on Carbohydrates. These are both short sections taken out of very long chapters, so, I may actually go ahead and rewrite stuff or make note cards on these tonight, since it isn't as much.

So, off I go to eat my dinner and then study, study, study!

Tags:

"ME! Pay attention to me!"



This is what happens when I try to study. Aint she a cutie? :D

brrrr

It's, uh, damn cold outside.
My mom says I should get a dial-up connection because she'll be canceling the satellite connection soon. My dad says, "...don't worry about it, we'll keep it for a while and see what happens." A lot of my friends and communities I'm in post pictures all the time. It will sadden me greatly to have to wait for loading pictures. Not to mention, research is a lot easier with a fast connection.

My dog keeps barking and growling. She misses my mom. She just kinda got stuck with me when I moved, because my parents felt safer that way, since I'm alone. I do appreciate having her here, though. I love my Zoey-oh-ee!


I was bored, so I took some pictures. Fun, fun, fun.

Haircut

I got a haircut. I suppose you can't really tell the difference, because my hair is so thin. But it has many more layers now, and the bangs are a little shorter.

Before:


(Awful picture, but the best to show the difference with.)

And AfterCollapse )

Anyways, that's it.

Tattoo: Part II

Yay! Here's the rest: yay!Collapse )

So, after getting these from J, I do believe I'll more than likely get the rest of my tattoos from her. She may have little experience, but I'm very pleased with her work. I think my tree will be next (income tax return!).

FRESH INK!

Woo!! I got a new tattoo today!!! I'll be getting part two on Monday at 11a. This half says "Sufficient to have stood," with an apple below it. Done in Beowulf Old English font. The second half will be "though free to fall." with an apple core below it. It's from Paradise Lost. Book iii, line 99. Done by J at Body Images Tattoo Clinic in Baton Rouge, LA. (may load slow, sorry.)

Sufficient to have stood,Collapse )

Yay!! I LOVE it! J did an AMAZING job! :D

OkCupid

This place is interesting, time consuming, and somewhat entertaining. It's also where I met L. Go. Enjoy. Let my karma grow!

Join me on OkCupid.
You know you wanna click here.

Merry Christmas!

Took this quiz to determine right or left brained. Two of my sister's took it and were left brained with visual dominance. These were my results. right or left?Collapse )

Baahh. Baaahh. -smirks-

tattoo

It's definitely time for a new tattoo. I've been wanting a Paradise Lost tattoo. In my mind, I have a huge sleeve planned out, filled with scenes from it: a scene from the battle in Heaven, a scene on the lake of fire, a scene of the fall, and of being kicked out of paradise. I think it would be a really kick ass sleeve. Black and grey. But, I also wouldn't mind getting some quotes from it, which is more in my price range at this point. So, I've picked out some that I really like, and I think I'd like to use an Old English type font. So, this is what I've come up with. cut for your considerationCollapse )

Tags:

Wee.

I'M GOING TO BOSTON! Yay! December 6-10. :D

Suggestions, please!

I'm compiling a halloween mp3 cd. I'm looking for a lot of songs that are dark, heavy-ish, spooky, or something to that nature. For example, the Batman Forever soundtrack has a lot of good ones. Or the song Number One Crush by Garbage. Or Danzig stuff. Along those lines. I'm not, however, looking for songs like The Monster Mash (though I'll have a few like that). Anyway, any suggestions are appreciated! :D

Sep. 3rd, 2006

i'm too lazy for my own good! i need something to motivate me. i am completely uninspired to study. i think it's passed time for a new tattoo, piercing, or hairdo. now, who wants to give me some money to do it? it's for the better cause of human kind. you give me money and i'll be able to concentrate on my studies and become an awesome nurse who helps people. :) See, it all pays off in the end. :D
pictures from today on the Atchafalaya River.

Cowboy Mouth

Rawr! Cowboy Mouth kicked ass! :D I no longer have a voice, but! I caught a drumstick! Sweet!! I got their t-shirt for the hurricane relief effort, too. :D It's all good. So glad I got to go!
Weee! Cowboy Mouth tonight! I'm psyched! :D
had a nice weekend. saw my cousin and her from family. they're down from VA. we pigged out and watched Overboard and Ten Things I Hate About You Saturday night. We went to the camp and went out on the party barge today. i forgot my camera inside, so i don't have any pictures of that.. but i've got a few from Saturday night. sorry, i'm not in any of them. :P

and that's it for now. i'll update later about my school and living situation.
i went to sleep filled with fear. i'm not sure of what. i felt boxed in, locked into being under the pressure of constant disappointment and anger. it's like an unseen force that holds me down and i can't escape it. no matter where i go i feel captured by it and it's smothering me.

i woke up quite irritable. i've been reading Interview with a Vampire, so i picked it up again this morning, hoping it would calm my nerves, but i think it has only intensified them (i'm in part III where Louis has just spoken with Armand for those who have read it).

i can hear water dripping inside my new a/c. this only added to my irritation. i looked in the manual and it says that it was probably imporperly installed, and needed to be tilted. there is no possible way to tilt the a/c anymore than it is. i'm a freak paranoid about things like this, always worried the house will burn down (thanks, dad) if i don't fix it. but there's no fixing it. so, i'll just be sure to always turn it off when i'm not here. i can monitor it while i am here. but i'm still irritated by this.

i hate being cantankerous (what a lovely word) like this. i feel it at my core. it's pulling in all directions and it aches straight down to my heart. i could dig into my skin and scratch and scratch and scratch, trying to claw it all out. or pull my hair out. and scream. nothing seems to satisfy or relent my torment.

i don't know what's triggering this behavior in me again, but i am not pleased. i will not stand for it (which only seems to add to my annoyance).

perhaps this feeling explains my need for new ink. i've always welcomed pain in my petulant afflicted moments. UGH.

nothing is satisfying right now. it's so hard to stay away from old habits in this mood, but i must.

just remember to breathe, kerry.

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drinking coffee
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louisiana lowdown and blue

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